"Clearly things did not go as well as could be hoped – people here weren't desperately happy."

(ed: clearly the art of the understatement is not dead ....)

Gordon Brown gave a keynote speech to Indian businessmen yesterday. His topic was "The Global Crisis and how to avoid another one." As Britons reeled under the crisis on which he is apparently so expert he reputedly earned £60,000 for 50 minutes worth of pontification.

Surreally ironic is the thought of someone who not only failed to prevent the last crisis but was actually instrumental in creating it earning twice as much in one hour as most workers in his home country do in an entire year for telling foreigners how to avoid the next one.

The Catholic church-backed National Conference for the Family began in Milan yesterday – with one noticeable absence. Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi, who had been due to open proceedings, was bumped from the schedule by officials who realised it would be like having Attila the Hun introducing a peace conference.